I don't think it's very hard to see that being a mama is my greatest joy. With this love comes a fear that, every once in while creeps in so strongly it smothers me. These dark thoughts are the blackest of black.
What if something happens to my babies? I can't breathe, I'm consumed by an invisible anxiety that makes it hard to move.
Kidnapping, car accident cancer..... My mind is a horrible place to be in these moments. Again, the blackest of black. It usually happens if i watch too much news. Today I was haunted by the death of a local news anchor's beautiful daughter. Lost at only 21. I left Mia at the sitter, as she cried at the door. It was all I could do to pull away. When you become a parent you became vulnerable to a heartbreak & despair that can never be mended. When you become a parent your heart & soul, the greatest joy you've ever known walks away. A tiny being that you would die to protect, but can't.
Mia & Wesley,
In your life you will feel sad, struggle & even suffer great losses. Daddy & I will be there to help you recover and endure. We will teach you that the human spirit is indomitable. That you must become a survivor, an optimist & my greatest hope, a lover of life no matter the circumstance. That being said never forget if we could, we would take upon ourselves all of life's sorrow.
Even when I'm not with you, you're in my every thought. I love you my sweet angels.
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